Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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