i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just want to make out with him forever
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
