Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
