I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Also, beer. Big fan.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
