I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
