In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
