Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Sacagawea was the original milf.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
