Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize