I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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