she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
