I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
