we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize
