yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
