he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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