I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
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Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
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Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect