my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool