He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend