in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.