He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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