Apparently you make a good broom.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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