now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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