im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
