If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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