i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
