i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
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i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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