So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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