How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
