omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
