it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
