Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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