just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
