she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
