Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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