"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
