You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
