She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
