You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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