We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow