I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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