You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
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I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
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If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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