Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis