Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
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I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
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Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work