I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
