I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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