OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
