I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
