You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
