Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
