If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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