wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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