White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
