I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
