Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
