the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
