non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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