My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
