I just made out with a guy for $7.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i dont even know how to be here
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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