Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
