its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
