had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize