I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
