this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
