He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
