Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
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Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
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I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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