I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
