Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
