My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
