Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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