woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
