On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
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Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
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I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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