first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
