dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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