we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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