So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
