You're so nebulous sometimes
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
