Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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