i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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