I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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