also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
