Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
