My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
