you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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