bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
