So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
