it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
organizing the empties. That sober.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
