Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
