Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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