I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
