the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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