Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
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The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
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There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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