you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
