I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
